At 3.10pm today, My Mum died 7-years ago from ovarian cancer. It was a battle she fort for three months, but sadly could not win. The kind comments I have received from friends and those who have not met me, remind me of my faith in humanity and that people are fundamentally good.
I know at the moment I am in a dispute with the Metropolitan Police Service with my policing career having come to an abrupt end in this my 10th year, and that I have a grievance with The Sun newspaper and News International, but these fights are not ones I wanted to have.
For those who know me personally, you will know that I am not a confrontational person, but it is however my right to defend myself when I am threatened. This is all our right. I have to believe that justice will be done for me, whatever that may be, or what hope is there for any of us?
I know some will not like that I am challenging those who have power, but unless you have experienced what my partner and I have been through the past 2-years, then I should not be judged. I have served my country well, but it has let me down and saying otherwise would be disingenuous of me.
Racism and homophobia which causes people to become ill, or otherwise, surely cannot be right in 2011? It equally isn’t for others to make public ones sexuality, mental illness or so forth – this is the individual’s right.
I have lost everything in a blink of an eye, and I am now trying to find my way again in life. I’m trying to get back to a place where I am happy and enjoyed living. Knowing what I have done prior to policing like appearing on television, gives me some hope that all is not wasted.
Being a Police Officer was my dream job not for the power or status, but that it gave me an opportunity to make a difference. This has now ended for me, so I look to the future writing and making documentaries.
I feel that if I allow people to walk over me when I feel I have been mistreated, then I will be setting a precedent which I might not be able to change in the future, and this naturally will be no good for my own health and well-being. I do not feel sorry for myself, as we all have to deal with the cards we have been given.
I’m under no illusion that I have been dealt a few more cards than others, but these I cannot change. I am proud of my diverse background as a mixed-race gay lad from Liverpool, who was raised a Catholic, the last child of eleven and experienced the love of a mother who brought up her children single-handily before her death to cancer.
I’ve been unfortunate to experience racism and homophobia, not just in general, but at my place of work. This is not something I should get used to, as it is not acceptable. If I can make a small difference in my challenge for equality, then my plight has not been in vain.
My differences, allow me to remain balanced and I strive to be a good person in all I do. I cannot walk on water, but I can walk with my head held high. I’m not political, I’m neither red, blue or yellow – I’m just me. I’m fortunate of my white and black heritage, and therefore I cannot allow others to belittle my race or sexuality. I am proud to be black and gay.
I guess I am writing this because, whatever people may say about me, I am and have been a good person and particularly a good Police Officer. I do not need to seek ’15 minutes’ of fame, for people to know this. As long as I know, that is all that matters.
One thing that hasn’t been taken away from me is my integrity, this is never up for negotiation. It is who I am, because of the loving upbringing my beautiful mother gave me.
I know this is personal, but everything that is known about me is already out there – some of it not my choice. My closets have been emptied, whether for the good or bad. Only time will tell.
Life is both short and precious, so remember to…
Live Healthy, Laugh Often & Love Yourself!
That’s me out, Kevin aka Max x