In May of this year, BBC London News interviewed me after the employment appeal court verdict in my case against the Metropolitan Police Service.
For years I’d resisted talking to the media about my experiences, only expressing myself through this my blog – in my own words.
However, after the second ruling on appeal the time became right to raise awareness of discrimination within the police through highlighting my case.
Part of the reason I’ve never wanted to give interviews with photographs and/or videos, is that I have felt ugly on the outside as well as the inside.
People mentioned they saw me on BBC News, and one guy even stopped me in the street – only in London, aye! They said I came across well, whatever that means?
I was curious, so watched the clip.
I hated it.
Not because of the questions asked or the answers given, but I saw a true reflection of what fighting the Met has done to me physically as well as mentally.
It did make me feel sad, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s nothing to do with vanity, it’s about self-confidence.
That feeling you have of feeling fat and ugly, and the reason I might be on my own now.
I know, I’m not the only one whom has felt like this.
Anyway, The Times journalist whom has been fair in the reporting of my case even mentioned my weight gain. He wasn’t being horrible, just stating the truth. Things had taken their toll on me.
It was official. I was fat.
I remember speaking to my counsellor some time ago about my weight, and she said to me if eating lots got me through things – then, that was ok.
After being diagnosed with depression, I don’t know why but I never turned to drugs, alcohol and/or cigarettes. I could have, and don’t joke about this.
I turned to Cadbury’s and Mars chocolates, they were my comfort blanket. The things that made me feel okay, and I guess loved – in a strange way, as they never let me down.
I’ve promised myself that my next fight, and I hope my last, is against the fat.
Getting myself back to a place where I feel okay on the inside and outside, to be happy again.
This, I can do on my own.
I’m no fan of British PM David Cameron, but he too has a right to privacy whilst holidaying with his family. Even if, it is his fourth one this year 😮