With the news that one of Hollywood’s ‘hottest’ couple’s Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are to split, it reminded of my own divorce of late.
I’ve spent the last week thinking about the past 2-years, and my fight against discrimination in the workplace. It might seem odd to some, but being in the same job for 10-years is pretty much like a relationship. You spend a lot of time together, know the best and worst of each other, at times hate and love one another – but, mostly you got into the relationship because this was the best one for you!
The breakdown of my relationship with my employer, has been one of the most traumatic events of my life and I don’t say this lightly. I had watched My Mum, lose her battle against cancer in a matter of months.
Spending 6-weeks in court up until last Friday, trying to show others independent of both parties how I believe I was treated badly in the workplace, is not something I ever envisaged or would like to do again – if I had the choice.
Listening to your other half character assassinate you, because you dare challenge it was not a great experience for me, but one I found the strength to sit through despite all the negatives said about me. I didn’t think, it would be a walk in the park!
For me, the reason I ended up in court is because my partner didn’t want to listen to me or my concerns as to how I had been treated in the relationship. It was this which made me realise that, there comes a point when you have to go about bringing a resolution and an end to matters another way.
After a while, you become sick and tired of hearing yourself speak about the same issues and going around in circles.
Despite what some may think, I still think it’s a sad occasion when two sides cannot sit down and discuss the issues without having to go to a third party to resolve the dispute and mediate.
Things got so much for me that, I felt abused in my relationship and this isn’t something I am proud of writing about. But, if you know me I tend to say how I am feeling – it’s taken me a while to master this. Maybe, that has been my problem – sometimes, ‘the truth does not always set you free’?
I believe, we are all a product of our upbringing and I was blessed to have been raised by a loving mother, whom I still miss and will never forget. My Mum, gave me the best start in life and kept me grounded – knowing the difference between right and wrong.
None of us are perfect, but it takes a bigger person to admit this.
I can’t pretend in adulthood that life has been easy on me… being mixed-race, being gay, even being Scouse, losing My Mum to cancer at a young age and having to battle with depression caused by racism and homophobia at work – but, life is too short for ‘poor me’. There is always someone, much worse off than yourself who battles against all odds.
You just have to pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself down and move on. As My Mum used to say to me, “time waits for no one”.
I will never gloat about the breakdown of my relationship with my employer, because in any divorce there are no winners. I lost a promising career, and they lost a promising employee.
Sometimes, we have to face reality and understand when something isn’t working you have to move on however hard, and despite how much you may miss it. Hopefully, it makes us stronger and we won’t make the same mistakes twice – both parties.
Eleanor Roosevelt, the US diplomat & reformer (1884 – 1962) said it best about living:
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
I’m currently writing my first memoir ‘Broken’, detailing how discrimination caused my breakdown, my two-year fight for justice & battle with depression, to help raise awareness & remove stigma.
This has been a thoughtful, ‘View from the Bottom’.
Take care, Max x
Live Healthy, Laugh Often & Love Yourself!
© Kevin Maxwell Film, Media & Performance 2011 – Published by My Mum.