I was sitting in Caffe Nero’s earlier drinking my medium latte (I forget now what they call this size?), when I received an email notification on my mobile telephone with the subject heading of ‘Hello My Dear How Are You And Your Family’!
My first thought was, ‘oh’, an email off my Auntie Mary, then I thought I’m not even sure if she has an email address and if she does, whether she uses it? I was confused to say the least. So, I began to read this email and it got more and more interesting as I read further. It wasn’t off my Auntie Mary after all, but from Sister Rose Manase in Kuwait. Now, I’ve never even been to Kuwait, but I do have a sister Rose-Marie! However, these sisters were not the same person.
By the way, in Nero’s I asked for a ’shot’ of sugar-free hazelnut in my coffee, as I’m trying to lose a ‘little’ weight you see! Unfortunately, I was given a shot of ‘coffee’ in my sugar-free hazelnut. My teeth still hurt, yikes!
Back to Sister Rose.. You too may have been a lucky bugger like me and received one of her ‘exclusive’ emails offering you money, money, money. Money by the way, you haven’t had to work for! This was an opportunity of a lifetime. I could actually hear in my head Chris Tarrant of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ask me the all important question and I was like “me, me Chris, I want to be a millionaire”. I wanted him to ’show me the money’ as in Jerry Maguire style!
As I continued reading the email, I then thought it was going to conclude by telling me that I was going to ‘hell’ for my sins as a gay person, as it had a lot of reference to religion. Alex wouldn’t be happy. Even as a Catholic, a ’sin’ confirmation email would have been too much for me. At least say it to my face, everything is so 21st Century these days! However, the email turned out just to be about the heap of money that belongs to someone, who didn’t want to give it to someone else and was now offering it to me, if you get what I mean?
Anyway, this is what the email from Sister Rose said. It is copied here ‘exactly’ as it was sent to me.. (I can spell, I think!)
My name is Mrs. Rose Manase a nationality of Kuwait . I am married to late Mr. JAMES MANASE who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year October 2003. We were married for twenty years with a child. He died after a the illness that lasted for four days.
Before his death we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of (Ten Million U.S.Dollars) with one of good banks here in Cote d’Ivoire Presently, this money is still with the bank. Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to my cancer problem, though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a person or church that will use this fund to churches, orphanages, research centers and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.
The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I have a child that will inherit this money but my son can not carryout this work only because i and my late husband decide to use some of the money to work for God and live some for our son to have a better live.our son is just 17yearold now and been grow up in Africa, he have low manterity and my husband’s relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers, I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus! 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I will like you to understand that my contact to you is a divine direction from God , I don’t want any of my husband family relatives to recieve this money but I know that With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance/bank. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I live a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth, Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here and Please I will like you to contact me Immediately you receive this mail so that I will instruct the Bank to transfer this fund into your account for me and my Son to start coming over t
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord. Mrs. Rose Manase and Son Johnson.
Now, I don’t know if you were thinking the same, firstly I must have been one hell of a lucky person to have been plucked out of the air to be given the chance to potentially bank roll 10 Million Dollars, yes Ten Million smackerroonies. From my calculations c/o www.xe.com, that’s a whopping £6,277,204.83 Great British Pounds! I too could see what is feels like to be a City Banker!
Secondly, as a mixed-race gay Catholic guy, married to a man, born in Liverpool, from Manchester, orphaned at the age of 26 and suffered with depression as a result of racism and homophobia, I thought I had problems, but jeez this woman has really not been lucky at all! I mean, her husband became ill and died in a mere 4 days, she has cancer and had a stroke and even has relatives who are not Christians. I’ve often said, others less fortunate sometimes make you realise your own luck!
Although times are hard in the UK at the moment with the recession and having considered carefully about this wonderful opportunity from Sister Rose and what I could do with this sort of money (whilst sipping my £3 latte of course), I made the decision not to reply to her. For some strange reason, it dawned on me that this was probably a scam and that somebody was playing a joke on me. I’m being sarcastic by the way. Maybe it was the same person(s) who sent me an email a couple of weeks ago with the offer of a Penis Enlargement! Charming. They clearly don’t know me!
As much as I wanted to, I wont be taking up Sister Rose’s tempting offer, but if you would like to, she can be emailed at email@example.com Please do however, pass on my thanks and let her know that I’m okay as I am.
This has been a reflective and potentially a millionaire-ish opportunity for me from my ‘View from the Bottom’. As they say in the Ivory Coast and Kuwait for that matter, ‘au revoi‘ and ‘ma’a salama‘ respectively, Max x
© 2010 Kevin Maxwell Media & Performance – Published by My Mum