I got so caught up in wanting justice for the racist and homophobic treatment I suffered, that I forgot to look after my health and well-being which should always be my priority. However and like so many, when we feel we have been mistreated – our focus is not on looking after ourselves, but holding to account those who have caused the unnecessary suffering.
My slip in the shower Tuesday gone during my third hearing against the Met, was a hard wake up call. It led to me having a further mental breakdown, where I couldn’t control my sobbing.
I thought to myself earlier, whether I am or am not fit to continue with my third trial in June 2014, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. By this I mean, I have already proven in a court of law that Scotland Yard is racist and homophobic, that it leaks about its gay and black officers to the press (to discredit them) and fought a hard court of appeal by the Commissioner.
So, is it that important that I succeed in a third trial to prove further discrimination?
Of course it is, but, not to the detriment of my health.
Somehow, I have to get back to a place where I am strong enough, mentally and physically, to fight the might of the Metropolitan Police Service once more. They’ve pulled out all the stops against me, a lone person.
They know I am weakened and vulnerable, which, is to their advantage.
If indeed I am well enough in June, I might not succeed in proving further discrimination – but, justice can come in many ways. I have wanted it so badly that, my hope has been in the courts to give me the closure I so badly want and need.
But, it may not.
I then thought, my memoir Broken is my way of closing this dreadful chapter in my life, whatever happens at court in June. The public themselves, can read the book and refer to the documents cited and decide if and if not justice has been done.
Not just for me, but, for all those who say they have been treated differently because of their race, sexual orientation and/or disability.
Many good people before me, have been failed by the justice system.
Does it mean their experiences are any less important than those that succeed? No, of course not.
It just wasn’t their time.
For some, the road of wanting justice for peace is a long one.
You only have to look at the dignified fight of those from my home town of Liverpool, who lost loved ones at the Hillsborough Football Disaster over 20 years ago. This year, we may finally get an insight about what these families as the ones affected by this tragedy have been up against.
Change only comes, when the consent of the majority say ‘enough is enough‘.
If this chapter in my life cannot be closed within the law, which I would prefer, as I have put all my beliefs into the justice system – then, there are other ways to secure justice so that I too can have peace and move on with my life.
Any compromise with the Police Commissioner, has long be compromised.